Weird News

Another Q&A

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 11:59:03 -0500

Questions and Answers; "Fun for the whole Family!"

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

Friends & Best-Friends!

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:32:27 -0500

Here are just a few differences between Friends and Best-Friends.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
BEST FRIENDS: Calls your parents DAD and MOM

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin
"We fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."

Stephen Colbert vs. Congressman Lynn Westmoreland

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 12:21:48 -0500

In this video Stephen Colbert proves once again how intelligent our countries Political figures can be.

Up for Parole

Sat, 3 Jun 2006 14:10:59 -0500

Charles Milles Manson the notorious killer from the Sharon Tate murder in 1969. IN an unlikely chance Manson will be up for parole in 2007.

Welcome to Wal-Mart

The panel would have to consist of complete morons to allow this crazy ass lunatic out of prison. In the chance he in fact does get out I think I have a pretty good idea of what he might do:

Things Manson Might Do!

: Pimp out hoes in Southwest Del Ray in Detroit.

: Go fishing in Miami and drinking margaritas

: Work at McDonalds as a Cashier.

: Become an Assistant host to Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report.

: Wal-Mart Greeter

: Go back to the Mojave Desert and try again.

Another "Old religion rant"

Sat, 3 Jun 2006 12:27:43 -0500

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident, which was posted on the internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

-When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

-I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

-I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

-Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

-I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

-A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination -Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

-Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

-Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

-I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

-My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of twodifferent kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Thanks Jim for this moment in "Who really gives a shit" She had it coming!

The Da Fiction Code

Sat, 20 May 2006 02:29:36 -0500

Today The Da Vinci Code was released to theaters and somewhere in the Vatican the Pope is having nightmares of Mary Magdalene.

Da Vinci

If you have not heard the, Catholic Church was protesting the release of The Da Vinci Code for reasons from the members of Opus Dei. Which are portrayed as a society of men who hunt down those who hide the Holy Grail. Now when I was growing up I was taught the Holy Grail was the cup Christ used at the last supper. Yet theoretically it�s not a cup at all. It�s Mary Magdalene and she holds the key through genetics that a direct blood line of Christ exists. How might you ask, well she was married to the Messiah of course. Catholics listen to me the books and the movie is based on religious FICTION. Meaning it�s made up, not true, or how ever you want to say it. Go to church pray to which ever Saint you wish for those of us who saw the movie, but leave it at that. Don�t protest about the movie. It makes it seem like you�re trying to hide something, like maybe its Non-Fiction.

Baby for Sale!

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 23:09:29 -0500

Thirty-seven year old, Danny Vu (let�s call him DumbAss soon to be on the receiving end of Bubba) actually thought he would get away with attempting to sell his 18 month old girl to some random Couple.

Baby For Sale

Seven thousand dollars was all DumbAss� daughter was worth to him. DumbAss was in a bit of a rut and desperately need some upgrades to his home. I guess when it comes to either fathering a child which to most sane people is the greatest experience of ones life, or get the HD flat screen plasma. For all of you wondering DumbAss is looking to spend some time behind bars. His daughter will be placed in a new home and he never made a dime. Do not pass go, do not collect $200s, go directly to a Federal pound me in the ass penitentiary for about 6-10 "Good Luck Fucker!"

Happy 4/20 Stoners

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 10:07:44 -0500

If you participate in today's festivities, and find your self wondering where the term 4/20 came from then read below.

Go Towlie Go

The term 4/20 is said to have been around since around 1971. It means to take part in a "smoke out" either with friends or alone. It is said to originate from California High School students in 1971. It's the time these kids had decided to go smoke. Years later we still use the slang to refer to the "smoke out". Have fun on your day pot heads.

If you do smoke you should read this http://www.drugtext.org

Words Associated with Marijuana

Sens
Green Goddess
Sess
Smoke
Locoweed
Blunt
Jay
Hashish
Homegrown
Hash
Red Hair
Skunk
The Kind
Toke
Mowie Wowie
Budah
Wacky Tobacky
Doobie
Chronic
Pot
Joint
Cannabis
Weed
Ganja
Hemp
Herb
Bud
Stems
Greens
Reefer
Spliff
Stick
Dope
Grass
Mary Jane
Gage

Speak No Evil

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 21:02:13 -0500

A Serbian prisoner sewed his lips together to aviod his day in court.

Sewed Lips

Using a needle, thread, and safety pins 27 year old Zoran Raskovic sewed his lips and tongue together to protest his unfair sentencing. Five other guys facing the same punishment for the same bank robbery and he takes it upon himself to sew his mouth shut. Sanja Radenkovic, Rakovic's lawyer said, she was "in shock over this", he passed his psychological exam. Well I'm glad some told me I thought he was perfectly sound of mind too.

http://cnews.canoe.ca

South Park VS Family Guy

Sat, 8 Apr 2006 22:18:07 -0500

South Park vs Family Guy

If any of you happened to catch the last episode of South Park you would have noticed another very controversial show made an appearance. Well not really but South Park sure as hell ripped Family Guy a new ASS. (oh sorry Ned) During the episode the whole world was freaking out over a Family Guy show featuring the Muslim messiah. Complete Anarchy arouse forcing people to put their head in sand to avoid watching the show. Mean while the lovable Cartmen and his nemesis Kyle where on there way to put a stop to the show. When little Kyle relies he had been tricked yet again. Cartman just wanted to get rid of the show because people started to compare him to the show. Which everyone knows Cartman does not like to be compared to anything.

If you missed the show "it sucks to be you", but you can catch it during the week.

I have talked to many people I know who saw the show about what had happened, and what they thought about it. Everyone including myself all believe that Family Guy will Fire one back to South Park. Thus starting the best battle this year Hells Yeah!

UPDATE: Family Guy pussed out!